I was quiet till we got home. Sunmade kept looking at me and asking if I was okay. “I’m fine just tired” I kept saying.
I am in the bathroom now. The water is more than lukewarm and I see steam rising from my skin. For some time, I just stand in the shower. I am hoping I can steam away the gloom that has settled on me.
Tiwa is back. Tiwa is back. Tiwa is back.
I hate myself for the feelings that are stirring in my heart. I am starting to think wishfully again.
No. I will forget about him. I have lived without him for six years, remembering him occasionally. I can live without him for the rest of my life.
I turn the water off and step gingerly out of the bathroom.
Sunmade is still up. He is looking at me.
“You feel better now?”
“You did good today.”
I smile weakly and shuffle to him.
“You did look a bit distracted.”
“I was hungry. Don’t bother, I already ate some sandwiches.”
“Okay.” He gathers me into his arms.
Soon, he will fall asleep and leave me to my thoughts.
As soon as I hear him breathing more easily, evenly, I slip out of his arms and tiptoe to the kitchen. The furniture in the living room is a bit dusty, I make a mental note to call the housekeeper in the morning.
It is 10.30
I help myself to some microwaved left over pizza and watch the news.
Boko Haram looks for new members.
Boko Haram plans to bomb Sokoto.
Man rapes friend’s daughter and murders her.
I feel sick. Thankfully, I have had enough pizza. I turn the television off then step out to the balcony.
Its a full moon tonight.
The sky is blue.
I am a woman.
I am Sunmade’s wife.
I am pregnant.
I am crying.