Learning to breathe

Archive for the tag “budhism”

Pastor’s Kid

Growing up, I was “taught” to act in a certain stereotyped way by people. My parents were not among these people.

In Primary School, whenever I did something wrong, my teacher would say something like “And her father is a pastor” to her colleague. When I got to secondary school, I made sure nobody knew my dad was a pastor. It worked for awhile. Then I changed schools. My new school was a catholic girls only school far from my home and in the middle of nowhere. At the time it was like someone pulled the ground from under me and squeezed the air out of my lungs. For awhile I tried to act like a girl that was in a catholic single sex school. Soon I found out that none of the girls that were in there acted that way.

Well, it’s my second year at university and I don’t care much if people know my dad’s a pastor or not. As a matter of fact, I enjoy the shock I give them when they find out.

If you’re a PK (pastor’s kid) people either expect you to turn out just like your parent(s) or they expect you to go the opposite way…all the way down. But in reality, PKs are not born with extra capacity for righteousness. We are just like the rest of you with “normal” parents.

In a way, my dad never put any pressure on me to be like him. Yes, he taught my siblings and I to love God all the time growing up. He still does. But he let’s me make my own mistakes. It’s something I will always be thankful for.

The allowance to fall, bruise, go the wrong way.

It’s been five months and some I actually committed myself to God. I still make mistakes but when I do, I go back to Him who I wandered away from in the first place. I used to ask myself: “Am I doing this right?” “Am I Christian enough?” But I have come to understand that I can never be Christian enough. I can only be a better person than I was yesterday.

To those who expect me to act a certain way, make your own life count because in the end, you’re only here for awhile and well…

I’m sorry. I will disappoint you till I die.

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