Learning to breathe

Archive for the month “March, 2012”

My Mommy’s Day

It’ll be seven years this year since I last tasted your pancakes

Since I last gave you the hug you wanted

Since I last prayed with you that God would let you stay

Since daddy cried

Since Seyi emerged from boyhood and I was thrust into womanhood

Since I last saw you, the only woman I could ever love this much.

I hate to say to you that I haven’t always been your shining little angel

I hate to say that I didn’t study Law like you wanted me too

I hate to say that I gave dad an awful hard time

I hate to say that I don’t know how you would have me act towards my step mom.

I hate to say that I don’t think of you as much as I swore I would

I hate to say that I hate saying “My mom is late.”
When you are still alive to me.

If you were here today I would’ve given you a kiss on your lips

I would’ve bought you a dress

I would’ve painted your nails for you

I would’ve told you about the boy that makes my heart flutter and how I almost broke his the other day

You would’ve said “I want you to be better than me.”

“You’re a Queen.”

“You’ll marry a good man.”

You would’ve given me a hug

And I teary-eyed would’ve given you one right back.

With your eyes,

You would’ve told me that there isn’t any need for the extreme mushiness.

And you would’ve smiled.

The smile that I have mastered in the seven years you’ve been gone.

It doesn’t feel the same so all I ask, mommy, is for you to smile down at me today

Smile down at me today



Myself, Sunmade and Ire are at home this calm saturday afternoon. My son and his father are watching television. I am in the kitchen cooking.

As you already know, I ruminate on my life’s happenings while I cook.

I added Tiwa on my instant messenger that day at the restuarant.

Guilt has settled on me like a garment ever since. Especially when I steal away to be with him…

Telling Sunmade that I love him has become a lie.


Firm as a rock. Stable. Ever present.

I cannot describe Tiwa in this manner, yet, I find myself, irrevocably attracted to him. Once, I dreamed that I divorced Sunmade and went back to Tiwa with Ire. And Sunmade did not mind much because he found someone he truly loved.

I woke up to Sunmade’s kisses.


Perhaps it is true what they say about love…that it is as powerful as death.

Lunch is prepared.

“How does this work babe? Ire gets boob for lunch and I get amala? Why can’t we ever switch places?”

I find Sunmade tickling a giggling Ire as I carry Sunmade’s lunch through the living room to the dining.

“Ire is one. You’re 34.”

“Oh so there’s an age limit for boob now?”

I chuckle. “It appears there is.”

I gingerly lift Ire from his father’s arm and put him on mine as I settle down to breast feed.

Soon I will be leaving to see Tiwa at the Mall. I tell Sunmade that I will be meeting up with Amaka.

He nods.

A satisfied Ire coos and smiles up at me. He has his father’s piercing eyes and smile.

Knowing eyes.

Ire will fall asleep soon.

“When will you get back?” He asks.

“Later…in the evening.”

He nods and stares at me. His eyes seem to be saying “Orin, two can play this game.”

It is loud enough for me hear.

His eyes are screaming.

I seek solace in Ire’s eyes but find the same accusation: You are cheating.

I turn to look instead at the television. At a certain Joseph Kony and the horrible things he is doing in Uganda. They are not far more horrible than the things I am doing here.

Leap Year

Hello people! 🙂

Been like a week or so I blogged anything so I figured I might as well start making it a weekly thing. So those of you that think I’m a nuisance can calm down and breathe easy now!

Now to today’s post…up until this morning I didn’t know what I was going to blog but I knew I was going to blog (weird right?) I like to think of that as Blogger’s Block -_-

Okay today’s post is about the old Irish tradition that allows a woman propose to a man on leap day and…


he has to accept! \\(^_^)//

(I’d like to pull this on someone one day…just joking)

So it got me thinking.

Yes, thinking.

Why on earth would any woman want to pull a leap day on anybody?!

I know men are special, sometimes commitment phobic creatures. It doesn’t mean we should take advantage of that and force them into a marriage they don’t want in the name of tradition.

Irish tradition though… *sigh here*

So I figured I’d try to help the leap day believers out there. Here it goes…

Step 1: Calm your titties

Breathe in…breathe out. Do that again. See! You’re calm.

Step 2: Make this your mantra

Repeat after me: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

Step 3: Start believing you cannot make a man commit without his consent

This includes making him marry you, date you, meet your parents and grand parents, etc. You get the picture

Step 4: Ask yourself why he doesn’t want to commit in the first place

Are you the kind of lady he would want to commit to? Are you domineering? Overprotective? Do you have a bad attitude? Are you excessively materialistic? If you aren’t any of these then you just might be a side chick or a f*** buddy. Yup! I said it.

There you have it!

Just for laughs, if you haven’t seen Leap Year you should. If you’re like me, at the end you be making “awwww” sounds for the rest of your life. If you’re like Kenny(@dhamyhan) you’d be like “Hahahaha! Stupid fools!” Till the end of the movie.

Till my next post, I love y’all (˘⌣˘)

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